I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize