New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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