I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
