Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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