We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize