I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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