I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
