I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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