I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
