official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
