I cockslap morals
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
