The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
