i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
