ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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