The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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