i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
