we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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