Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
