Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
