Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize