That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
