I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
