I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
