yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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