I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
