you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
