it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
this is an emotional support booty call
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
