I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
