He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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