It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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