your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
