Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
