Is it because I queefed?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
