Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
