im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
