I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
