Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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