everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i think i have two assholes
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
