Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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