i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
