In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
And then my night got REAL pukey
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
