I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
two words: eviction party
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Oh god it's open bar.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
