If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
