new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
