in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
