so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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