Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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