what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
