Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
