he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
