My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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