porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
