ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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