but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
