she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
