Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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