Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
