rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I cut my penus on the lid.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
