Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I want to be your penis for a week.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
