We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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