Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
