Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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