I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
