we're blogging at a bar
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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