I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
